3 years ago today, I left this note and attempted to end my life

I sat on this today, not sure what I wanted to write or even say. Some days its seems like a lifetime ago, and somedays it feels like it was yesterday. There are days when these thoughts still come into my head, and I think that just maybe the world would be a better place without me. That voice in the back of my mind always doubting, what did you accomplish this year, how did you grow as a person, friend, a husband. Am I still able to make progress regarding my mental health, or is this as good as it gets?

1095 times, I choose to, put one step in front of another, and fight for what I want and who I want to be. I have lost what I thought were friends along the way. The neigh sayers, “well, he has everything; why would he want to die.” Losing those people was one of the most challenging yet most important things that have happened.

It made space in my overflowing buckets to make new connections, find people who wanted to grow, wanted to be better, and wanted to support and push each other. To these new friends, I thank you for being there, for being that text, phone call, voice memo, checking in, and seeing how I am doing. You know who you are, and having my back is comforting beyond words and appreciation.

My fight is far from over; it is a constant work in progress, an evolving network of tools that help me stay grounded and safe. I can say without a doubt the best tool that has happened this year is Probie; while I am writing this, she is fast asleep on my feet, keeping me grounded!