One of my daily struggles — My meds
- Fu$k my meds
- Hate taking my fucking meds
- Fu$k!
- They make me want to barf
- I hate how they make me feel
- Goddamit, why can’t I be normal
- I hate you.
- If I were smarter, I would not have to take these fu$king things
- You make my mouth dry
- My jaw clenches because of you
The internal and external dialog that I say to myself some days before my morning and afternoon meds. My evening meds is a whole different ballgame (that’s for another day.)
This is the part of mental health that needs to be talked about. These are part of the conversations we need to have. I have been shammed, mocked, and told, really do you need to take those? It’s all in your head! Why not do a 30-day challenge and stop all your meds cold turkey.
If I had a heart condition and needed meds, is that ok? My brain has a “condition,” and that’s not ok to take meds?
I will be honest, and when I am on a good path and am on a high, I check myself as I often think I feel great!!!!! Why do I need these? Everything is fine. When I am manic or depressed, the narrative changes too. I don’t want to have to. Meds don’t help; I can do this without meds.
One of the strategies that I slowly started to incorporate into my plan is letters to myself. When everything is firing on all cylinders, and I feel on top of the world, I stop and write letters to my other side. Then when I am in a bad spot, I pull out the letter and read it to myself, reminding myself that this is not where I want to be and that I need to start with something little.
The other one I use for my meds, especially the “only as needed” meds, is permission to take them. Sometimes going to bed for the night is what is best. I have given myself permission to take an extra sleeping pill and an Ativan and go to bed.
Let’s stop shaming people for taking meds to help their mental help and change the narrative to how I can help.
